Boys will be Boys
by Ruthie
Summary: Jack, Daniel and Teal'c have a night out on the town. Response to Heliopolis challenge #1974


Title: Boys will be Boys

Rating: PG-15

Summary: Not a good combination. Jack, Daniel and Teal'c have a night out on the town. Response to Heliopolis challenge #1974

Spoilers: None

Disclaimer: None of the characters or places in this story belong to me, they are the property of MGM Worldwide, Show Time, Gekko Film Corp, Double Secret productions and Brad Wright. No copyright infringement intended – please don't sue me, I'm skint anyhow. 

Song lyrics obviously belong to Gloria Gaynor - I had no part in writing them. 

Author Notes: Again, supposed to be revising when writing this. Ah well….feedback please! mailto: samcarterusaf@yahoo.co.uk 

****

Challenge #1,974 (Added 20 March 2003)   
Hi Everyone! Here's the challenge...

1. I would like to see a fic about Daniel, Jack and Teal'c.

2. Jack decides to take Teal'c out on the town to show him some earth customs. He has to drag Daniel away from some translations to join in the fun.

3. Jack saying OhForCryinOutLoud! as many times as you can fit in without it sounding ridiculous.

4. Teal'c commenting that "your world is indeed a strange place".

5. Jack and Teal'c have to "rescue" Daniel from a woman (preferably from the dance floor).

6. The three of them ending up at a karaoke bar where Daniel sings "I Will Survive!"

7. The night ending with Carter coming to the rescue, and SG-1 crashing at Jack's place.

8. Jack makes a comment to Carter about breakfast in bed and she responds "If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen."

9. One finally note...I am not a shipper and DO NOT want any form ofrelationship between ANY of the members of SG-1 :O)

Have Fun!! I hope someone takes up the challenge! :O)

Submitted by ForCryinOutLoud

~ Boys will be Boys ~

By Ruth

**********

Jack whistled as he walked to Teal'c's room. It was going to be a fun evening. He, Teal'c and Danny Boy were going for a guy's night out! Well, he and Teal'c were. Danny Boy was going to take a little persuading. As he was walking along, he tripped on nothing more than thin air and cursed. 

"For crying out loud!" 

Teal'c opened his door in surprise. "It is good to see you, O'Neill. Are we prepared to exit?" 

"Yeah, sure, you betcha! We've just gotta go and get Danny Boy, then we're outta here!" 

"Indeed," Teal'c replied, plainly soaking up Jack's enthusiasm. g

Jack knocked loudly on the door of Daniel's lab. "Oh, Danny Boy?" he asked, entering before he got an answer. 

He was surprised to see Sam sitting opposite Daniel. He was not surprised to see the steaming mugs of coffee in front of them. 

"For crying out loud, do you two ever drink anything other than coffee?" 

"What is it, Jack?" Daniel asked. 

"We're going out for a boy's night - sorry Carter - and we want you to join us." 

"Uh…" Daniel's eyes searched frantically for an excuse, "I…I have loads of translations to finish, and…" 

Jack waved his hand in the air, "Nah, Carter can do that!" 

He received a very dirty look from his second-in-command. 

"Jack, they are very urgent and need to be done…" 

"For crying out loud, Daniel! When was the last time you went out?" 

"I..uh…Sam??" he pleaded desperately. 

Sam merely shrugged and took another sip of her coffee. "I've not been invited." 

"Well, I suppose…" 

"Great! C'mon, Danny Boy! Smell ya later, Carter!" 

Sam was left on her own in Daniel's lab. When she was sure that he'd gone, she upended the contents of his coffee mug into her own and grinned wickedly. 

"Enjoy, Daniel," she said to the empty room, and laughed. She pitied him - he should have been paid danger money to spend a night out with Jack.

**********

Sam went back to her lab and sat down at her computer. She was bored, and all of her work was completed, so she decided to check her email. 

Inbox - 1 new

Well, aren't I miss popularity, she thought, clicking the inbox. 

Sender: Cassie

Subject: (none)

Sam sighed. She hadn't quite got the hang of that bit yet, even though she was sixteen! 

Hi Sam! 

It's Cassie. Me and mum were wondering if you wanted to come over tonight for a girly night in - we can get pizza and videos (as long as they have Keanu Reeves) and stuff. Please reply, seeya later (hopefully) ** Cassie ** 

Sam smiled and hit the reply button.

Hey, Cassie! I'd love to come by later, (but the videos may have to have Bruce Willis in them!) See you at what time? Sam xx

She waited a few moments to see if Cassie would reply. 

Inbox - 1 new

Sender: Cassie

Subject: (none)

No way - he's to old! Mum says about 7pm, but you can come at 6:30. Seeya, **Cassie**

**********

At 6:30pm, Sam turned up at Janet's house. They were all soon seated on the couch, watching 'The Matrix' (because Cassie liked Keanu Reeves and who doesn't g)

"You gotta wonder what the guys are doing right now," said Sam, through a mouthful of pizza. Janet nodded.

**********

"Oh, for crying out loud! Daniel, anyone would think you hadn't been on a date in ten years!"

"Jack, what did you expect? This is a dance bar - I hate dancing!" 

"Would you relax? See - even Teal'c's hooked himself a gal!" 

Daniel looked over at Teal'c, who was looking very confused as a blonde woman danced slinkily around him. 

Jack went over to him, holding a drink. Daniel sat folornly at the table by himself, nursing his orange juice close to him and trying to hide himself. 

"Yo, T! Looks like you're having a ball!" 

The woman who was dancing slinkily around him threw off her pink fluffy feather boa and put it around his neck. 

"Your world is indeed a strange place," Teal'c commented, before he began to choke on the pink fluff that flew off of the boa. 

"Oh, dear - let me help you," said the woman, kissing him full-on on the lips. Teal'c was incredibly shocked but was unable to move. 

Jack was about to laugh at him when he felt a woman tugging at his arm. 

"Hello, handsome," she smiled, taking his drink out of his hand and downing it. 

"I hope you're gonna pay for that," Jack quipped. 

"Just come with me, and you'll get the payment you want," she smiled, pulling him away to a secluded corner. 

Daniel, meanwhile, was desperately trying to escape, but everywhere he ran he saw scantily-clad women waving their pink fluffy feather boas at him. 

He cast a look across the room at Teal'c, who was tangled up in a fluffy pink feather boa and an alarmingly happy blonde lady. He did not appear to be enjoying himself very much. Daniel took comfort from that fact that he wasn't the only one having a shocking time. 

He looked in the other corner of the room, where Jack was clearly enjoying himself with a redhead. He shuddered. 

"You know you'll go blind!" he shouted, pushing his glasses back up onto his nose and taking a drink of his orange juice. Jack grinned widely at him, and Daniel didn't understand why. 

That was, until he turned around and saw a tall brunette advancing on him with her pink fluffy feather boa. 

As he was covered in fluff, Daniel could hear Teal'c spitting out feathers and Jack cackling at him. 

"Hey, sweetie," the woman smiled, "What's a nice guy like you doing here?" 

"I…I was just asking myself that same question," Daniel laughed nervously, trying to untangle himself from the woman. 

"Come and dance with me," she whispered. 

A little voice in Daniel's head screamed: Nnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! 

It was no good - he was as trussed up as Teal'c and the feather boa. 

He laughed nervously as the woman, who introduced herself as Catalina, entwined her arms around him and began to dance. Daniel was not renound for his dancing skills. Two left feet was not even close! 

As he was being swung around the dance floor, he looked desperately to Teal'c, who was stuffing some money into the blonde's bra to make her go away. 

HELP! His eyes screamed. Teal'c nodded, spat out a pink feather and made his way over to Jack. 

"O'Neill!" 

"For crying out loud, Teal'c, can't ya see I'm busy?" 

"Daniel Jackson requires some assistance, O'Neill." 

"Jeez, he couldn't open a can with a can opener," Jack grumbled, untangling himself from the redhead and blowing her a kiss goodbye. 

"Later, Georgia," he promised, then turned back to Teal'c. "Where's Danny?" 

Teal'c pointed to a writhing heap of pink fluff and blue trousers on the floor. "I believe that is Daniel Jackson." 

"You bastard!" Catalina shouted, hitting him with a handbag that had suddenly appeared. 

"Ow! Catalina - I told you I couldn't dance!" 

The brunette said nothing, just picked up the ripped hem of her dress and flounced off. 

Daniel spat out a pink feather. 

"Oh, for crying out loud, Daniel!" Jack groaned, what are we going to do now?"

"I think we should leave," said Teal'c nervously, as another blonde made her way towards him. 

Jack reluctantly complied. 

**********

Cassie stared at the screen as Keanu Reeves pulled off a very complicated martial-arts move in mid air. Janet and Sam looked at each other in amusement, knowing that Bruce Willis would soon be on the screen. 

"I wonder what the boys are doing now," said Janet.

**********

"IT TOOK ALL THE STRENGTH I HAD NOT TO FALL APART, JUST TRYING HARD TO MEND THE PIECES OF MY BROKEN HAAAAAAAART." 

"I SPENT SO MANY NIGHTS THINKING HOW YOU DID ME WRONG, BUT I GREW STRONG - I LEARNED HOW TO GET ALLLLOOOOONNNGGG.." 

"AND SO YOU'RE BACK, FROM OUTER SPACE - I JUST CAME IN TO FIND YOU HERE WITH THAT OLD LOOK UPON YOUR FACE…" 

"I SHOULDA CHANGED THAT STUPID LOCK, I SHOULDA MADE YOU LEAVE YOUR KEY, IF I'D THOUGHT FOR JUST ONE SECOND, YOU'D BE BACK TO BOTHER ME.." 

"Uh…" 

"DANNY BOY! IT'S YOUR VERSE!" 

"No!" 

"For crying out loud, would ya sing the damned song?" 

"No!" 

"Teal'c, get him some more beer." 

"I don't want any more beer." 

"For crying out loud!"

"GO ON NOW GO! WALK OUT THE DOOR! JUST TURN AROUND NOW - YOU'RE NOT WELCOME ANYMORE!"

"WEREN'T YOU THE ONE WHO TRIED TO HURT ME WITH GOODBYE? DID I CRUMBLE? DID YA THINK I'D LAY DOWN AND DIE, OH NO NOT I." 

"Danny boy…"

"I am not singing!" 

"For crying out loud, you will sing if I have to… what are you doing?"

"I'm calling Sam." 

"Oh, no you're not!" 

"Yes I am." 

"No, you're not." 

"Try and stop me, fat-ass!" 

"What? What did you just call me? I can't hear - the music's too damned loud!" 

sniggering from Daniel and Teal'c

"Gimmie the phone!" 

"Sure, why?" 

crack of phone breaking

"Hey!" 

sniggering from Jack

"I'm going!" 

"You will damned well sing this song, for crying out loud, Daniel - what are you doing?" 

"I think there's a payphone…" 

sound of collar being grabbed

"You know how immature you can be sometimes, Jack?" 

"I WILL SURVIVE! OH, AS LONG AS I KNOW HOW TO LOVE I KNOW I'LL STAY ALIVE, I'VE GOT ALL MY LIFE TO LIVE, AND I'VE GOT ALL MY LOVE TO GIVE…" 

"See - even Teal'c is enjoying himself!" 

sound of collar ripping

"Shit! Daniel, get back here RIGHT NOW! DANIEL!"

"I do not believe that Daniel Jackson is enjoying himself." 

"Nah. You keep singing Teal'c - it's good!" 

"Indeed. AND I'LL SURVIVE. I WILL SURVIVE. HEY HEY." 

**********

Sam picked up her cellphone and answered it. 

"Hello?" 

"Sam? Sam, you gotta get me out of here!" 

"IT TOOK ALL THE STRENGTH I HAD NOT TO FALL APART"

Sam held the phone away from her ear at the dreadfully out of tune singing. 

"Daniel, is that Teal'c?" 

"Yeah, uh, he and Jack are drunk and I'm starting to get scared."

Sam heard a coughing noise and a mutter of, "Bloody pink feathers"

"What?" she asked. 

"Nothing - can you please come and get us, please please please?" 

"Ok, I'm coming - where are you?"

"Uh…a karaoke bar…somewhere…" 

"Jack's usual karaoke bar?" she asked. 

"JUST TRYING HARD TO MEND THE PIECES OF MY BROKEN HEART!"

"Yeah," said Daniel. 

"Don't panic, Daniel, I'll be right there!" 

She sighed. Bruce was just going to have to wait. 

**********

By the time Sam reached the bar, Daniel was singing. She had no idea how Jack had got him to do it, but he was, and he was terribly out of tune. 

"IT TOOK ALL THE STRENGTH I HAD, NOT TO FALL APAAAARRRTTT, JUST TRYING HAAARD TO MEND THE PIIIIEEECES OF MY BROKEN HEAAAARRRTTT - oh, HI SAM!" 

Sam swallowed. She'd never had to deal with all three of them being drunk before. Normally, it was just Jack. 

"Hi Daniel," she smiled nervously and flinched when he ran over and threw his arms around her. 

"Sam, I'm sooooooo glad you came and got me - they were making me sing…" 

She untangled herself from the drunken archaeologist and looked in the direction of Jack and Teal'c. 

"You two want a lift?" she asked. 

"Yeah, sure, you betcha!" said Jack, almost skipping out of the door. 

**********

They all ended up crashing at Jack's place. It was, after all, the biggest place out of the four of them, and the most comfortable. As Sam opened the door Teal'c and Jack shoved past her and fell onto the couch, turning on the television and slouching. Daniel was still a bit tipsy so Sam had to guide him to an armchair. 

She was about to sit down when Jack called, "I'll have a beer please - and one for Teal'c." 

She bit down on her lip to stop herself from shouting at him. "Daniel? Would you like anything?" 

The only sound that greeted her was Daniel vomiting into Jack's bin. 

"Oh, jeez," she said, putting a hand to her head and grabbing a box of tissues with the other. 

"For crying out loud, Danny Boy! That's disgusting!" Jack complained. 

Daniel just continued to puke. 

__

I could be at home watching Bruce Willis take his shirt off now, but no! I'm here with three drunken idiots! She thought. 

**********

It took several hours before Teal'c and Daniel fell asleep. Jack remained stubbornly awake. 

"Hey, Sam? D'ya think I could have breakfast in bed?" He slurred. 

She knelt beside him. "If you want breakfast in bed, you'll have to sleep in the kitchen." 

She stood up and walked out of the living room. Jack merely grunted and fell asleep on the couch next to Teal'c. Daniel was in the armchair, so that left only one place for her to go. 

She smiled as she pushed open Jack's bedroom door and jumped onto his bed. It was lovely and soft, unlike the couch and armchair. 

She let out a contented sigh as she curled up on the bed and fell asleep, trying not to think about how sick the three of them were going to be tomorrow. She could always make her escape before then…

THE END

Author's Note: Feedback please! Send to samcarterusaf@yahoo.co.uk 


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